This past year has been rough for me. In fact I think I can safely say without any hyperbole that it has been one of the most difficult years of my adult life. Without delving into too much detail, I have been having difficulty breathing due to a lung condition. The doctor believes it to be reversible and treatment has, thankfully, been successful. At its worst point however, I could barely cross a room without panting for breath. I have been hospitalized for it twice, both times longer than anticipated. On the second occasion, a complication from a routine procedure made it doubtful that I would ever leave. Sitting completely alone in the hospital ICU with nothing but "The Office" reruns to distract you from intense pain and the looming shadow of your own mortality is not an experience I would recommend.
I had to cancel a paying gig for the first time in my professional career and face the prospect that I may never perform again due to my failing health. Although entirely necessary, this was emotionally devastating. Until this, I prided myself in being one of those old school "Show Must Go On" performers who would only permit themselves to die after the curtain came down.
On my doctor's advice I also surrendered my pet dove to an animal shelter due to the fact a developed allergy to his shed feathers were part of what was making me sick. Again this was necessary but wrenching. I have had many pets over the years and their most common cause of death has been old age. To give an animal up because I could no longer take care of it was a real blow to my sense of self. In spite of joking about how edible Dante was, I really am quite fond of that noisy dimwitted bird. To end our decade long relationship by handing his cage over to a shelter worker felt like a defeat.
Unsurprisingly, I did not produce much worthwhile artwork in any medium. My naturally morose tendencies were only exacerbated by drug side effects. I spent most of the year feeling isolated, inadequate, trapped and frustrated. Months went by where if I wasn't expected at work and the cat didn't need to be fed I wouldn't have left my bed.
Having forbore all of this, the prospect of another interminable harsh Berkshires winter with nothing to look forward to aside from a dim and distant spring became unbearable. Is the shadows lengthened and the days grew shorter, I knew that if I was going to survive the Long Dark intact, I needed to walk the world for a while. I needed to feel tropical sunlight on my face again and stand in the green cathedral of a jungle searching for creatures that I only knew from books. I need to mangle a musical language as kind, patient eyed strangers guide me through the intricate and complex cultural dance of buying soap or taking the bus. I need to stand on top of the monuments of a faded empire and gaze at the horizon at the tapestry of time. I need to sit in the evening on plastic chairs in an open air restaurant watching the waves of the sea where, until that morning, my dinner swam.
In short, I need adventure. I need to travel
Due to my current physical and financial limitations, my first two choices (Indonesia and Ecuador) would have to wait until a later date. As I perused the flights for my best options, South America and Southeast Asia were both equally appealing. Recent political unrest in the areas I was most interested in made me reconsider South America. Allowing my choice to be governed by ticket price led me to a decision between Thailand and Cambodia. Both of these fascinating and enticing countries were posting unbelievably cheap fares with about twenty dollars difference between them. I considered various factors (wild tiger populations, puppetry traditions, cuisine, ethical eco-tourism and treatment of elephants, temples, sculpture, etc.). Ultimately, Cambodia won out. Cambodia is slightly more off the beaten track, contains some of the largest tracts of unbroken rain-forest in Asia, treats their elephants better, and -the clincher for me- is home to Angkor Wat, the largest and most stunning temple complexes in the world
My flight leaves on February 18th
I had to cancel a paying gig for the first time in my professional career and face the prospect that I may never perform again due to my failing health. Although entirely necessary, this was emotionally devastating. Until this, I prided myself in being one of those old school "Show Must Go On" performers who would only permit themselves to die after the curtain came down.
On my doctor's advice I also surrendered my pet dove to an animal shelter due to the fact a developed allergy to his shed feathers were part of what was making me sick. Again this was necessary but wrenching. I have had many pets over the years and their most common cause of death has been old age. To give an animal up because I could no longer take care of it was a real blow to my sense of self. In spite of joking about how edible Dante was, I really am quite fond of that noisy dimwitted bird. To end our decade long relationship by handing his cage over to a shelter worker felt like a defeat.
Unsurprisingly, I did not produce much worthwhile artwork in any medium. My naturally morose tendencies were only exacerbated by drug side effects. I spent most of the year feeling isolated, inadequate, trapped and frustrated. Months went by where if I wasn't expected at work and the cat didn't need to be fed I wouldn't have left my bed.
Having forbore all of this, the prospect of another interminable harsh Berkshires winter with nothing to look forward to aside from a dim and distant spring became unbearable. Is the shadows lengthened and the days grew shorter, I knew that if I was going to survive the Long Dark intact, I needed to walk the world for a while. I needed to feel tropical sunlight on my face again and stand in the green cathedral of a jungle searching for creatures that I only knew from books. I need to mangle a musical language as kind, patient eyed strangers guide me through the intricate and complex cultural dance of buying soap or taking the bus. I need to stand on top of the monuments of a faded empire and gaze at the horizon at the tapestry of time. I need to sit in the evening on plastic chairs in an open air restaurant watching the waves of the sea where, until that morning, my dinner swam.
In short, I need adventure. I need to travel
Due to my current physical and financial limitations, my first two choices (Indonesia and Ecuador) would have to wait until a later date. As I perused the flights for my best options, South America and Southeast Asia were both equally appealing. Recent political unrest in the areas I was most interested in made me reconsider South America. Allowing my choice to be governed by ticket price led me to a decision between Thailand and Cambodia. Both of these fascinating and enticing countries were posting unbelievably cheap fares with about twenty dollars difference between them. I considered various factors (wild tiger populations, puppetry traditions, cuisine, ethical eco-tourism and treatment of elephants, temples, sculpture, etc.). Ultimately, Cambodia won out. Cambodia is slightly more off the beaten track, contains some of the largest tracts of unbroken rain-forest in Asia, treats their elephants better, and -the clincher for me- is home to Angkor Wat, the largest and most stunning temple complexes in the world
My flight leaves on February 18th
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